//. walkAWAY*

Saturday, June 17, 2006

weee.. i juz woke up frm my slp..
so now still abit blur blur =)
imagine 4days of not enough slp.. lols..
1st day slp for only like a few hrs..
coz e stupid air con is like so cold =/
it was fun la.. we were all crappy n stuffs on 1st day..
advanced day actually.. we had to prepare stuffs all tt de..
den when we go fetch the campers..
i was like sooo slpy.. i didnt feel like going pasir ris mrt..
i wanna slp.. LOL =X but still went..

1st day i tink hai ok lor.. i was posted to my grp..
called robin hood.. hahaz.. it was quite enjoyable with them..
but 1st day hor.. i muz admit.. i didnt really bond with them..
i dunno y la.. coz maybe i wasnt really close..
afraid to tell them do stuffs all tt.. i juz prefer to do myself..
den i tink i was too quiet oso.. coz i nvr talk to them much..
but i see them hor.. they noe each other..
den i will feel like veri extra trying to disturb in their talk..
n i feel tt i was in some wrong oso.. coz i only bothered abt e games..
den didnt got really involved with them..
allan told us tt he sees no bond between us n all tt..
n i tink there isnt any bahz.. so for day2.. i tried..

i tried to bond with them on day2.. is hai ok lor..
played all e games with them.. den got practice e skit..
i cannot be major role ma.. so.. ya..
i juz be 1 blur guys who gets str8 to tings.. LOL =X
it was much better on e 2nd day.. managed to get along better..

but there was tiz ting when we yr1 MC had to go in a rm..
den go inside all e yr3 n yr2 MCs standing down there..
is like so pressurized.. i tot they were playing..
but e moment i got in.. it got so serious..
n den got down to business.. they asked so many stuffs..
with so many ppl inside.. those tings u knew..
suddenly went blank.. i stuttered..
den is like so stupid.. if they wanna find out tings frm me..
y have so many ppl? i respect them..
tts y i nvr tell them abt their wrong judgement..
imagine they told u to ask the other ppl to help u do stuffs..
dun do everyting by ourselves.. den tt time..
they say tt everytime they see u.. u r oways slacking..
i felt so F**KED up lor.. even if they told me dun do tings myself..
i did most of e tings myself.. at occasions.. i asked other ppl to help..
but i still did my best to assist them in 1 way or another..
den is like they start asking u abt stuffs in the club..
location of those tings all tt.. all those i dunno de..
they will say.. did u even take the initiative to find out?
i was like.. wat the f**k.. u expect me know all bits n pieces of e club..
when i am a MC for like only a few wks??
i told them i noe sufficient tings.. i didnt say i knew everyting..
u only had some time to noe wats going on..
its not as if i got hell loads of time to bother..
i still had my school work.. i still got events to prepare..
n summore i said right frm e start le..
i am a person who cant really take stress..
so u said wun feel so much stress n stuffs.. i juz said ok..
for stress tt i cant take.. i can get over it within a few hrs..
its been so long since i last felt tiz kind of F**Ked up feeling..
i will noe if i'm in a wrong.. those tings u guys said correct..
i would agree to it.. i can take critics.. juz tt..
i cant take critics which u said out of e blue..
with no stand.. n juz accused me of not doing my tings..
so wat if i did.. u werent even there to see it..
if i did it.. u would be like saying its wat i should do..
but have i ever said "no" to wat u wan me to do?
i have given my best n tts it.. i even would go e extra mile..
stuffs tt i should do.. i would go to my limits..
n 1 more.. is tt u said i was so quiet all along..
u ppl said i was veri quiet.. den ask me if i got qns or not..
den u asked me if i was afraid of u guys or not..
i took a long time to reply that.. n said a "no"..
i juz wanted to respect u guys as my seniors..
if not i would have said alot more tings..
right in front of so many ppl.. but yet u made sure u gained respect..
u didnt respect me during tt time.. u nvr respected wat i did..
how the hell u expect me to respect u?
i kept quiet most of e time is coz i didnt wanna be disturbing..
u can say all u wan.. but make sure u have a stand..
not frm juz wat u see.. find out wat i am doing b4 u say anyting..
if there wasnt so many ppl.. so wat if u guys r seniors..
i would have told u all ur mistakes n stuffs right awy..
i would even quarrel.. but i didnt..
tradition of club to have so many ppl? y cant u change abit?
sticking to tradition doesnt mean u understand how we feel..
even if u did.. r u taking ur revenge now?

so after everyting.. i wasnt able to speak my mind..
luckily got wenya trying to find ways to calm me..
i kinda felt sorry for her.. coz is like i make her so kan jiong..
coz i was like so quiet all along.. confirm make ppl scared de..
i wasnt myself then.. den cause a few ppl to worry..
so sry.. but tts me la.. when i stressed up..
i wun be talking much.. i dun share with others my thoughts..
so dun really have to care too much..
i usually can solve tings by myself.. clear thoughts all tt..
but i still felt quite bad.. so veri sorry n thx =)

LianGx2

2:56 PM...walkAWAY